I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
