I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
worst night to have a conscience
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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