dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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