dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
