Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
