Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
