Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
