Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
