Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
