Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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