I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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