Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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