If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
