like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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