Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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