farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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