final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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