All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
