I got chris browned last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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