I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
