...so i touched it.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
