I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He did a backflip because drugs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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