She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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