Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
