it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You dont lie about slip and slides
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
