Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
