why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
