I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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