Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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