I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
