i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
