girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
