WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
