Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
