My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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