She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
