Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize