And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
