Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
