Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
