I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Enjoy the penises
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
