dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
