I wanna bring you to show and tell
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
