I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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