I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
