Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
