i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so let's talk penis.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
