omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
