Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
