I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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