so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
