wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I need a beard to bite.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
