Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
