tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Still dying that you shit outside
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
