Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
