he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
