How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
