Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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