So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
