I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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