John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
