i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
