i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
