Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
