He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
