If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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