what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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