Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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