I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize